30 Life Lessons in 30 Years
Thirty trips around the sun! As I blow out my candles and shuffle the leftover cake into the biggest tupperware container I could find, I’m reflecting back on this past decade of my life — how much I’ve been through, but more importantly, learned.
The last time I wrote one of these was 5 years ago, while I was just settling into adulthood. Since then I’ve hit milestones with my career, my health, and my relationships. These are the life lessons I’ve learned along the way.
💭 Mindsets & Beliefs
1. Don’t believe things that are too good to be true. Quick get-rich-quick schemes, fad diets, 5-minutes to a 6-pack, the latest skincare hack. Believe science, educate yourself, and don’t get tricked by people trying to sell you stuff.
2. Not making a decision is a decision. Being indecisive is a lot of waiting around for the “right” opportunity to take that job, book that flight, change your life. Don't be worried about making the right decision; focus on making the decision right. No ragrets kid was right.
3. Happiness is not a byproduct of ease. Happiness is a byproduct of struggle and delayed gratification. True happiness comes from knowing you’ve done all you can — the hard stuff, the scary stuff, the uneasiness. It tests your limits to grow and come out even stronger. Engage in voluntary struggle and fall in love with the hard stuff. Because your bar for “hard” rises and soon, you learn to believe that you can do anything.
4. Most of the world is fake, so find the authenticity and be the authenticity. There are photos aren’t real, jobs that aren’t real, conversations that aren’t real, people who aren’t real, even food that isn’t real. Find what’s truly meaningful and hold on tight. (Hint: it lies in the little things, in the private moments)
5. Nothing is as good as it seems, and nothing is as bad as it seems. Somewhere in between lies reality. When the highs are high, stay grounded. When the lows are low, stay optimistic.
6. Ask for forgiveness, not permission. Don’t make up rules to limit yourself. Have a high agency attitude and get what you want, especially if it doesn’t hurt anyone else.
7. Figure out your relationship with the internet. Remember what it optimizes for: time spent scrolling, likes, ad clicks, sensationalism. Fake news and pessimism on the internet travels faster and farther. There is so much noise. Be mindful about what and how much you absorb.
8. The only constant in life is change. Live to always expect it. So while you can, appreciate the small moments. For example, when I’m doing something as mundane as eating ice cream with friends outside on a warm day, I never take it for granted.
9. Embrace mess. Life is meant to be messy. Let it be. Otherwise you won’t have the capacity to be 100% you.
10. The past doesn’t define you. Reflect on it, but don’t be stuck in it.
🌱 Habits
11. Consistency in basics is key in health and fitness. Do the same boring workouts, eat the same boring nutritious meals, sleep the full amount. Not everyday will be perfect, but time and consistency will always win. Focus on habits over goals. The results will come.
12. Find a form of exercise you truly enjoy. Then do it with people you like. Building a healthy and strong body gives you the confidence to build the life you want.
13. Writing is a form of clarity. Writing make senses of the mess in my head, simplifies them, and communicates them. It makes me a better thinker.
14. Be a student for life. Learning fills you with a sense of purpose and wonder, and an deeper, richer understanding of the world around you. You’ll never be bored a day in your life.
🤝 Relationships
15. Don’t try to change people. Nagging or pushing them will only make it worse, and more often that not, it’s just us projecting our own insecurities. Look inward and work on yourself instead. Inspire, don’t push.
16. You don’t need validation from others, not even your parents. What you want out of life, only you can define. Success is intrinsic. (This is obvious but took many, many years to unlearn.)
17. Be kind. Especially to yourself.
18. Marry your best friend.
19. Hold onto your loved ones. Spend time with them. They are 100x more important than your job.
📝 Work
19. Fake it ‘til you make it. This has been my motto for the last decade of my life, giving me the push to pivot professions multiple times and create the career I want to have.
20. Multi-tasking doesn’t actually work. Find out how you best focus (go to a coffee shop, hold in your pee, whatever) and do it.
21. Money isn’t the goal. Freedom is the real goal. Doing what you want, when you want, with who you want is more meaningful than anything money can buy you. Don’t let material things distract you from true wealth.
22. Don’t work so hard. Money will always come. Your youth isn’t coming back. At any second you can lose your job, so don’t make your job your identity.
23. As a creative person, develop your taste and stay true to it. This sense of taste will guide you in your art, your career, and your life, especially in the face of commercial distraction.
24. Find things you’re excited about. Find what gives you a sense of meaning. Find things that get you in a state of flow, and do it as much as you can. Grow your metaphorical garden with things that nourish you.
25. Don’t let expectations stop you from trying to do something for the first time. It doesn’t matter how good or how bad you are. You just need to be on the side of “doing”, rather than “planning.”
26. At the same time, acknowledge the second-generation immigrant and oldest sibling guilt where you feel like you need to be more than enough and constantly achievement-oriented. Welcome hobbies that aren’t “productive.”
⏰ Time
27. Don’t panic over something that can resolve itself in 24 hours. Sleep on it.
28. Be patient about the things you want in life that are seemingly impossible. A lot can change in six months. I’ve observed this firsthand as I found my dream job, my dream place to live, the opportunity to travel somewhere, and the chance to learning something like singing.
29. Embrace the Joy of Missing Out. Intentionally choose how you spend your time. You don’t have to watch the new Netflix show just because other people are doing so. You don’t have to go to some party just because you were invited. Set boundaries, and protect your peace.
30. There is no end game. We’ll never figure it all out. We all have a finite time on this earth, so enjoy the journey. You are valid in your humanness, just as you are.
“Nature doesn’t hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”
Once upon a time, I used to obsess over self-help books and depend on others’ wisdom to guide me in life. Now, I’m grateful to be at an age where my beliefs are more steady than they’ve ever been, shaped by my own lived experiences rather than outside influence. Like it or not, these are my life principles, and they’ll guide me into the next decade.
Grateful to be at an age where my beliefs are more steady than they’ve ever been, shaped by my own lived experiences rather than outside influence.