Boy have I been looking forward to writing this one. Before we begin, a snap from 2020 BC (Before Covid). What a blast from the past.

I’m going to preface everything by saying I’m beyond fortunate and grateful this year to have a roof over my head, food on the table, a job, and healthy friends and family. We’ve all experienced an extremely challenging year and everyday I’m inspired by others who are facing much more intense and real hardships. I truly believe that positivity and gratitude can change your perspective on the world and that personal growth doesn’t stop despite struggle. I don’t want to dwell on the negatives of 2020, but focus on everything I’ve learned about slowing down and creating time for happiness.

It’s easy to convince myself that an entire year of my life has been wasted. But in retrospect, lots of stuff happened, both good and bad. As much as I lived through the days in anxiety, uncertainty, and fear of the outside world, I did do a number of things I’m proud of and I’m going to share them (on this blog where I talk to myself). Because even though you’re at home, life goes on.

This year, I…

Improved My Relationship with Food

Last year I tried a bunch of diets, didn’t really stick to any of them, but still evaluated everything I consumed against every “restriction,” feeling a twinge of guilt if I had a bit of dairy, some animal product, or even white rice. This year I left fad diets behind to focus on nutrition and long-term health. I eat clean most of the time but I don’t deprive myself of snacks. (Everything in moderation!) I watched Alice Waters’ Masterclass and fell in love with her philosophy on home cooking. I figured out how easy it is to make a really delicious salad. During these stuck-at-home times, I choose to cook because it’s healthier, more fun, and improves relationships with those I live with.

Let Go

I let go of my need to be productive all the time. I learned the importance of carving out down time to just play. I let go of the things people say to me, because I know myself better than they do. All the opinions out in the world telling me what to do, wear, read, or improve my life — I don’t care anymore. I let go of intense workouts I’d push myself to do every week. Instead I do tai chi and yoga. I don’t need to be pulling every muscle just to feel good in my body. I let go of trying to become a workout instructor. I accepted that memorizing choreography just wasn’t natural for me and stopped pushing myself to do something I dreaded. I let go of of my constant need for control. I let go of comparison, and wow does that feel good.

Learned Lots

Always ready to take on the challenge of indulging in a new hobby, I was ecstatic to have suddenly found so much extra time to learn anything I wanted. When quarantine started, I was taking classes at the local city college. Those turned remote, and I enrolled in additional online courses here and there to fill my nights with exciting new ideas and knowledge. Zoom group lectures, 1-on-1 private classes, decade-old lecture recordings, and free online resources ranging from fine art to computer science, psychology to foreign languages, yoga teacher training to music — nothing was off limits. I learned to learn at my own speed and embrace my top character strength, love of learning. Because when you’re home alone, why not make the most of it?

An impulsive afternoon with scissors and an unintentionally asymmetrical bob.

Embraced a new look

I’ve had long hair for as long as I can remember. At some point this summer I got tired of ponytails and hair sticking to my chair every time I leaned back. It was time. I’d always wanted to try a bob and wow, is it freeing! (Pro tip: don’t be a dum dum and buy actual shears to cut hair.)

I feel like this year is the year to try whatever the heck you’ve always wanted to. Honestly, YOLO. Time is just a construct anyway, so follow through on those wild ideas. Experiment with your look, your routines, habits. All our worst fears have come true anyway, there’s nothing left to fear.

Spent three months at home

I touched on the sanctity of home in a previous post, but the three months I got to spend at home with my family this year was truly a blessing. The familiarity of cozying up in the house I grew up in as the world turned upside down was a much-needed escape from reality. It was here I reset my expectations for the year, found joy in the little things, and reconnected with my childhood. During a time where every day feels like it could be the last, all you want to do is enjoy the simple, easy everyday with people you love.

got back into music

I quit piano at 14 because I couldn’t stand classical music. I hated being forced to learn music I didn’t understand and the pressure of having to excel at the same extracurricular as every other Asian kid. Because of that I couldn’t discover my joy for music itself and never tried too hard at it. This year, after a decade of tinkering on my own, I enrolled in my first guitar class. When the opportunity arose, I also started private voice lessons just for the heck of it, and learned how to actually sing. Music can be so much fun. I don’t plan to be great at it, nor do I want to. But I want to follow this curiosity and see where it goes without placing expectations.

Worked on my career

Three years into my career, I’m finally learning how important it is take control of my own career development. When you’re younger the assumption is that you get job, you get tasks, you complete tasks, all is good. But there is so much more. This year I worked on defining what my career is to me. What do I want out of my current role? How do I envision the next 5 or 10 years? What are my growth areas and how to I actively work towards them? How do I define success? What do I want out of my career? I’m slowly evolving my role and truly embracing the product side of “product design.” The growth isn’t as visible day-to-day, but it definitely happens over time. And there’s so much more I want to do.

In September I also got the opportunity to speak at a design event, where I taught a workshop to a large group of inspiring design students. (Spent an entire two weeks nervously and excessively prepping.) I knew I’ve always loved mentoring and supporting young people in their creative development, and through this experience realized just how passionate I am about helping others get started in an industry that is always looking for curious, humble, empathetic designers.

Spent a lot of time with this one

Navigating this crazy time together has strengthened our relationship as we got to enjoy life in the smallest of ways. Even though we can’t travel the world or even go out on a dinner date, I feel so much closer, even when we’re in a quiet room doing our own separate things with our backs to each other.

Thank you for being my best friend and partner, and keeping me sane. And staying sane yourself when I accidentally shave your head with the wrong buzzers. Oops.

Prioritized comfort over style

Let me just vent about fashion okay? This year, I am so done with polyester. I’m so done with nylon. Cheap ass fast fashion pieces have no business in my life anymore. My whole life, I was the girl who chose discount bin trends over basics, quantity over quality, style over comfort. I didn’t know any better. Ever since I learned to choose wardrobe pieces sustainably, I’ve been putting extra care into shopping for a smaller selection of high-quality clothes. Clothes I feel comfortable in all day long, because I’m probably at home anyway.

Discovered a number of small joys

Every year I like to shout out all the things happening out in the world that have made my year that much better. Surprisingly there was no shortage of that in 2020. Grateful for John Krasinski’s Some Good News, Lauv’s How I’m Feeling, and SNL, for helping us get through election season. Stanford’s Code in Place course, Masterclass, and Coursera for offering free education. Chuck the TV series and The Nanny, for being so lovable and bingeable even after all these years. Netflix’s The Half of It and Enola Holmes, and Hulu’s Happiest Season for being really good (amidst the number of big budget female-led blockbuster films that weren’t.) Thank you Figma and Notion for making my life so much more organized. And of course, Zoom, Facetime, Messenger, WeChat, Google Meet, and Discord for helping us socially distance together.

More things I got to experience for the first time: visited Tahoe, laid bricks by hand, had real Thanksgiving food on Thanksgiving, made pizza from scratch, rented a car, stopped shopping completely for 3 entire months, spent a 111-degree summer day in LA, quarantined in my room alone over 4th of July weekend, got myself a standing desk that I’m obsessed with, had the hard BLM conversation with my parents, tried my first Beyond Meat patty, did a lot of Body Flow, learned to using a sewing machine, started playing Draw Something again after 8 years, hung out with friends on Animal Crossing, threw my sister a surprise graduation party, attended a baby shower, hiked in Las Vegas, performed in a (virtual) music recital, and enjoyed 3-day weekends for most of the year. Even this apocalyptic day was kind of fun:

Got better acquainted with myself

Now we get to the existential self-reflection part of this “review.”

During my teenage years and early 20s there was a lot of stuff I needed to figure out about myself. I was angsty often and ranted a lot about the world. I was unhappy with who I was and did so many things that were unconsciously motivated by self-hatred and low self-esteem. I’d devour self-help books and cursed the universe when bad things happened to me. Maybe it’s because I’m in much better control of my life now, but I don’t feel the need to engage in convoluted self-therapy anymore. I’ve got my bearings on basic adulthood and learned to live life with simplicity, joy, and gratitude.

25 is a weird age. You’re so confused all the time. Every other day something will trigger a voice in your head that goes “Wait, all my life I’ve known it as this but now I see it differently.” You start disassociating yourself from the values from which you were raised, and begin to acknowledge your personal values and beliefs. This is when the person you’re groomed to be is forced to confront the person you truly are. You actually start realizing who you are.

And it’s scary, but it’s beautiful.

2021 Resolutions

This year, more than ever, the need to clean up anything leftover in 2020 and start 2021 with a clean slate is so important for my mental health. I don’t need to bring old bad habits into my fresh start. This year, since I can’t predict the state of the world going forward, I’ll focus on what I can control.

My enneagram results tell me that I’m a Type 3 Achiever who needs to take breaks. “You can drive yourself and others to exhaustion with your relentless pursuit of your goals. Ambition and self-development are good qualities, but temper them with rest periods in which you reconnect more deeply with yourself.”

So in 2021, instead of planning to do more, I plan to do less.

Avoid getting overwhelmed. I know that I break down when I’m stressed for time.
- When I anticipate that I will have a lot of things on my plate at a certain day or time, I will reschedule and de-prioritize.
- When I am overwhelmed, I will stop what I’m doing and take deep breaths.
Stop trying to change people.
- Stop giving unsolicited advice. I’m not an old grandma yet.
- Politics divides families and I hope never to repeat some of the conversations we’ve had this year. Acknowledge that people can have different views on “facts” and it’s a poor use of my time to try to convince them otherwise.
- On that note, I also want to get better at evaluating my own media sources and making judgment calls before letting others change my opinions.
Be honest with myself and what I can realistically accomplish. Focus on systems instead of goals and start small.
- Break down large projects into smaller tasks.
- Stop saying yes to everything, especially to my own not-so-good ideas.
- Stop volunteering to do things if I don’t have time to, no matter how badly I want to do them. Under promise, over deliver.

I don’t know about you but I’m excited for this new year. Excited for a vaccine, for change, for more personal growth, and the resilience of the human spirit.

Chin up, we can do this. Cheers!

Looking back on better days...