My DIY Wedding: How we made our wedding “ours”
In the grand scheme of things, wedding planning is incredibly frivolous. But somehow society has made it a girl’s life purpose to dream about and plan and execute one perfectly. And because I grew up under the heavy influence of 2000s-era of wedding rom-coms and reality shows fantasizing every magical moment, I will say I was a little excited to plan my own.
However, I’ve always wondered If everyone’s love story is unique, why are weddings so cookie-cutter? I’ve been to weddings where you could have taken away the couple, inserted a different couple, and things wouldn’t even look off. To me, incorporating age-old traditions built upon showing off family wealth and marrying off your daughter like property also feels incredibly dated. In addition, the predatory nature of the wedding industrial complex has exaggerated what weddings “should” be, persuading couples into throwing one without much intention. The venue, catering, music, bar, decorations, the clothing, the cake… it’s become a checklist of how to spend your money as fast as possible. And don’t even mention all the fluff social media has fed us the last decade or so: extravagant bachelorette parties, over-the-top bridesmaids proposal bags, turning your wedding planning into “content”, etc. There’s a lot of noise on the internet, and everyone has opinions.
So I went into this process feeling hesitant about it all. I didn’t want to blindly follow “tradition,” so I decided that if we were going to do this, things were going to be different. Every decision we made had to be justified, personalized to our own tastes, preferences, values. We planned our entire wedding doing what we wanted rather than listening to what other people thought we needed. And it resulted in one of the best parties ever.
Goal Setting
As with any good project, we started the process by listing out our goals. For us, the goal was to throw a huge party for our friends and family, and celebrate the union of not just us, but also our loved ones. It was important that we entertain our guests in a personal, heartfelt way that no other couple could replicate. I prioritized things I truly care about — the venue and the photographer — and splurged on those. Then, as we got into the weeds, we said no to fluff we didn’t care about.
Here’s what we did differently
No venue tours
I made a list of venues I was possible interested in, and we drove to all of them on a Saturday morning to take a peek. Luckily, Saturdays in July meant every single location we saw was hosting a wedding that night, and every door was open for vendors (and complete strangers) to waltz in, get a feel for the space, and see how a wedding would realistically be executed. Ultimately we ended up picking an unexpected choice, a building at a Catholic girl’s school that had left their gates open on a late Monday afternoon. We rolled in, parked, scampered around, and couldn’t get it out of our heads for days. We had found the one.
I fell in love with this Italian-style villa immediately. A private shaded outdoor ceremony and reception spot surrounded by greenery was the goal, and this hidden gem venue checked all the boxes. Dining al fresco on a warm summer evening under twinkly lights? Literally cannot be more perfect.
No wedding planner/designer
Why would you outsource the best part of wedding planning — the decision-making? I wanted to direct everything leading up to the morning the wedding. Every detail was researched, meticulously planned, personalized to my our tastes, and executed under my vision and creative direction. I didn’t even need my bridesmaids helping me make decisions. We found our own vendors, reviewed contracts, designed the tablescape, created seating charts, tracked RSVPs, made the timeline, handled logistics, and hired my friend to oversee execution on the actual day. It was insane but it worked out!
No physical invitations, just a custom website
No wax seals, wasteful printing, mailing, cards getting lost in the mail, or cookie-cutter websites made on Zola. I learned HTML/CSS and created my own site on Webflow. I designed and coded emails. I did the marketing for my own wedding, and made it into something actually fun and learning-related. Read more here.
Turned stationery and decor into design projects
I got to exercise my graphic design muscles and print stuff, which I never get to do anymore. I couldn’t commit to a single aesthetic so designed over a dozen different digital invites and made them into collectibles on my website. I designed custom menus that also served as place cards. And in the last few weeks leading up to the big day, I decided to draw and print activity books full of illustrations to color, and Simon-and-Sophia-themed crosswords to complete. Because why not be extra?
Sketched out my vision for the kids’ activity book during a plane ride, then refined it into something our adult friends could also enjoy.
Combined menus and place cards into one, complete with my signature doodles. My paper cutter was my stationer.
Edited my own video
I dislike sappy cookie-cutter wedding videos, so I did my own editing. I don’t trust a stranger to tell my story better than I can, so I hired a videographer to just film the wedding and deliver raw footage. More to come… I’ve got a lot of editing to do.
No traditional serviced catering
Personally I much prefer buffet style or family style over “high end” table service, because casual settings feel move lively and interactive. I found a company that does wood-fired pizza and just asked them to make pizzas onsite. We’re used to DIY family-style meals, so transforming our reception in a restaurant onsite felt excessive. And we didn’t want to throw a stuffy, formal party. So the challenge was: how could we make this feel like a casual backyard wedding, with a glamour of a high end one?
Tasting our wedding meal 3 months prior. Who needs utensils anyway?
Asked our friend to officiate
It would feel weird to have a complete stranger marry us. Plus we were already legally married, so no need to hire an officiant to read verses or whatever, just a friend to tell a personal story. Thank you Candace for taking on this job and killing it!
clothing you could rewear
You know I have lots to say about this one. Being a conscious shopper who always advocates for secondhand, I have a hard time sitting with the idea of buying clothing you’d never be able to wear again. So I thrifted as much as I could, for myself and the wedding party. I wanted everyone to find unique dresses they actually liked and would wear again, which meant no traditional Chinese qipaos.
Vintage Marchesa Notte dress I thrifted for my city hall ceremony last year
Reworn during our wedding reception
Honored family and our Chinese heritage
We hosted a Chinese tea ceremony the day prior with family members, where we served tea to elders and exchanged well wishes. On the day of the Western ceremony, I decorated with family photos on welcome table. My dad and I walked down the aisle to Teresa Teng. Simon’s wore cufflinks gifted by my parents that had each of our last names written out. And at the reception, we served Chinese bakery sheet cake and sunflower seeds. These are the little things that make us “us.”
Super emotional tea ceremony with our parents and family members. Even the photographer couldn’t hold back tears.
No “wedding” cake
I have never had cake at a wedding and went “Mmm, that is good” so why spend hundreds of dollars on one? For the display cake, we ordered a plain white Whole Foods cake at 7am on wedding day, and I spent a few minutes decorating with a few sprigs of kumquat I picked from our neighbor’s garden the day prior. For the served cake, I sent my sister to the local Chinese bakery to get a big sheet cake. And it was delicious.
11am on wedding day: figuring out how we want our cake to look
The finished result looked great!
Milk tea > Alcohol
Luckily our venue allowed BYO alcohol, so we supplied our own. However, we don’t really care for drinking (and our friends and family don’t either), so we opted to spend more budget on a boba bar. And I was truly surprised at how good catered milk tea could be. Main Squeeze OC exceeded all my expectations!
Boba tasting with Main Squeeze OC, one of the first vendors we booked.
Did my own makeup & hair
Hundreds of dollars to look nothing like your usual beautiful self for a day? No thanks. I got lash extensions and a blowout in the days prior, and just did my usual super simple makeup, because there was a 100% chance I’d cry it all off anyway. My maid of honor curled my hair (thanks Yue), and that was that! I had so much to do that morning; I would’ve hated to be stuck in a chair.
Did my own florals
I took a floral design class in college and realized that shit ain’t hard, especially when your standards aren’t high. No one remembers the flowers from your wedding day anyway, so two days prior, I picked up Trader Joe’s flowers and recruited and taught my friends and family to arrange them into centerpieces. It was stressful, but really fun! Florals are just another form of design. And I’m a designer, aren’t I?
I also used as much foraged material as we could gather, which made it extra special. Rose petals and cake decor from my neighbor’s yard. Olive leaf “confetti” from Yue’s backyard. Foliage from the local park and Sharon’s backyard. Thank you nature!
Visited a floral supply store to pick up vessels that matched the venue. Thank you Simon for driving me around and patiently waiting for me every step of the way to execute the grand vision that only lived in my head.
Arranged flowers 2 days before the wedding and made a huge mess at my parents’ house 🙈
Embraced color
I actually used color in my decor, what a concept! Throughout planning, people kept asking me what my theme was. I didn’t have one. I didn’t understand why you had to be bohemian, rustic, vintage, classic, or stick to one single “color” across all your decor. All of those concepts felt dated and unoriginal. I just chose things I liked, and said absolutely no to anything tacky with that live, laugh, love font. We picked out bright mustard yellow tablecloths, matching terracotta plates, and I used hunter green as much as I could. All bridesmaids had different colored bouquets that matched their dresses.
Testing out color combinations at the La Pinata Party Rentals showroom in LA. Shade and hue of color was important to me. For example, a vibrant pastel pink is vastly different from a dusty rose, and you have to see it in person to confirm.
Greeted guests upon arrival
Because I had so many dress options, I chose to change into an alternate outfit to greet guests before the ceremony. I refuse to hide myself during any part of my wedding, and getting to greet and hug my friends and family as they arrived was such a special part of the day. I only had a few hours with them anyway — I had to make use of every second.
Made it truly family-style
From the start of the week to the very end, our family and friends literally helped out with everything, from picking up cake to steaming tablecloths, slicing up tangerines, and assembling boutonnieres. Reception dinner was also designed to promote walking around, mingling, sharing, saying hi, exploring the grounds. There was not a dull moment.
didn’t announce anything on social media
Because why?
untraditional bachelor/bachelorette parties
We had a joint bach party and took our friends to Vegas to go clubbing compete in a Spartan race, hike the beautiful Red Rocks, and watch medieval knights joust while we ate chicken with our bare hands.
We survived a Spartan race!
No party favors, photo booth, choreographed first dance, programs, bridal shower
I didn’t understand the point of these things. They produce an unnecessary amount of waste. To create the illusion of an Italian villa, incorporating natural elements was important. No plastic. No physical guest books. No fake candles or plastic flowers. If I wanted to have something, it ought to be good enough quality.
Plus we don’t like memorizing how to dance, so why do that? As a photographer I unfortunately have to admit I honestly don’t like the types of photos you get from photobooths. The venue is jawdropingly beautiful that everyone took photos outdoors anyway, just like I predicted.
Storytelling
One way to make our wedding truly unique and personal was storytelling. Instead of a plain Save the Date card, I created a video telling our love story over the years, which lead into a save the date announcement. Table numbers? No, we’re doing our favorite musical numbers. Escort cards? No, a polaroid photo from the first time we met each person, and a small puzzle that tests everyone’s musical knowledge. Every card and sign was designed with handdrawn elements. Even the welcome sign was kind of sarcastic. Welcome to OUR wedding, y’all.
Table “numbers”
Designing and making 112 custom escort cards
Reflections
I think it’s ridiculous how jacked up prices get when it comes to weddings, and I had no intention to pay for mediocre work, nor splurge on pretty things for the sake of pretty things. So we did a lot of it ourselves. Our wedding was planned with heart, not to be picture-perfect, and it definitely showed as we watched guests mingle, dance, eat, drink, and laugh all through the night up until literally the very end.
The DIY philosophy is kind of how I’ve always lived my life, and I wouldn’t have planned my wedding any other way. :)
The most magical evening…
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Vendors
Venue @villadelsoldoro
Coordinator @sincerelyharveys
DJ/MC @adm_entertainment
Photographer @savanphotography (+ everyone else with their phones out)
Videographer @athertonmediagroup
Catering @lapizzeriaco
Charcuterie @lagrazingco
Boba Bar @mainssqueezecatering
Dessert @bubblepufftea
Rentals @lapinataparty
Musician @beeeigen
Cake @wholefoods and Nini Bakery
Wedding dress @garnetandgracebridalboutique
Reception and tea ceremony dresses @thredup
Tuxedo @hiveandcolony
Rings @no3.shop @catbird
Planning, design, paper goods, and florals by me ✌️
Simon and I got married at an Italian villa in the beautiful hills of Southern California, and Studio Sophy gets the exclusive inside scoop.