Growing up

As a child, I wasn’t physically active. I didn’t play an organized sport. I never learned the right things about nutrition or health. Because adults deemed “art” to be my thing, I felt compelled to be good at that and never dared to try playing a sport. While kids were lining up to beat the class bully at tetherball or handball, I sat outside the classroom and colored.

Growing up, I quickly learned that Chinese families and relatives like to comment on your weight. They expected us girls to look feminine, and be attractive in the traditional Chinese filial piety way (like Mulan going to see the matchmaker type beauty standards). Otherwise boys wouldn't like us, and we'll never get married. These are the ideas they ingrained in us, so naturally we grow up with this skewed perception of what it looks like to be a woman, and a deep insecurity that told us if we weren’t skinny, cute, and “feminine", we could never be wanted or loved.

But I was born with big bones and strong legs. Because I don’t have brothers, I somehow ended up developing the physique to do the grunt work my dad needed help with, like standing on a ladder hoisting up 2x4’s as he nailed in pieces of our new roof, carrying full sheets of plywood off a pickup truck, or digging up large stubborn tree stumps out in the yard. I was never considered "cute.” I grew up taller (and chubbier) than my fellow Asian girl friends, and towered over them in group pictures. I never appreciated what my body could do, and instead felt this shame about the way it looked.

Discovering Fitness

When I started college, my lack of confidence in my body image brought me to the gym for the first time. I didn’t have a clue how to use the equipment on my own, so I anxiously checked out the group fitness classes. I decided to give this class called Body Combat a shot. I had no idea what I was in for, but once the music started, I was hooked. Over the next few months I slowly found my spot in the front of the room where I fervently attended all types of classes every week. That was where I fell in love with working out.

My motivation for exercise was no longer just to lose weight. I didn’t want to be thin anymore; I wanted to be strong. I don’t know if it was just the endorphin rush, but working out made me feel so good about myself. My visits to the gym were no longer fueled by self-hate, but by awe and admiration for what my body could do. I could jump kick so damn high! I could push myself to reach past my toes! I could shake off the entire weight and stress of the day with a restful shavasana. My stress, anxiety, and fatigue would subside. These were little miracles that made me realize I could actually control my body and mind.

My weekly routines. The essentials: cardio (spin or kickboxing), strength (low weight, high reps), flexibility (yoga), and climbing. Then I spice it up with whatever my schedule allows for, whether it be barre, zumba, pilates, CrossFit, or just a run.

Continuing my practice

Even though life has changed in many ways since college, the flow of working out has stayed consistent. When you’re trapped in a room with no distraction and nowhere to go, all you can do is focus on the present. It’s just you and the mirror reflection of the self you want to become. As you’re panting for air and feeling fatigue set in, you’ve never felt more alive.

There’s a skewed sense when people perceive “gym junkies” as these ripped people who go everyday and lift the heaviest weights. But there are so many different ways to achieve physical health. As someone who gets bored easily (I despise running), I need to move my body in different ways to stay satisfied. Luckily, there are so many fun options out there.

Ever since I found my groove at my new gym and got a climbing gym membership, my visits have been consistent. Going to the gym has become the best part of my day, and every week I discover something new with my body. Imagine my shock when I found out I could in fact do a real pushup. I could pistol squat without assistance. I could hold a crow pose. I could dead hang for almost two minutes. I could casually hike 16 miles up 3000 feet of elevation. I could balance and reach seemingly impossible holds at the climbing gym because of my flexibility. All of this has been the result of 10+ years of work. It didn’t come easy.

The highs: running your first half marathon, hiking Half Dome, climbing a V4, completed a Tough Mudder. The lows: ripped calluses and shoulder injuries.

Friends + Gym

There is a reason I prefer group fitness classes over lifting weights alone in the corner: social interaction! Community is such an important motivating factor, especially when you’re doing hard things. I love me some friendly competition, because at the end of the day, we all win. Making friends and mingling with like-minded people that share my fitness interests holds me accountable, and keeps me growing.

This past year, Simon and I have fully adopted this concept and started bringing our friends into the gym with us. Combining social and physical fitness is a combination made in heaven, as we hang out with friends outside the typically unhealthy food-oriented setting, and instead take them to play at the climbing gym (aka the adult playground.) We encourage one another to improve at the sport and work together to solve problems, or simply just sweat together.

My goals

My goal in fitness is to feel empowered and strong, and maintain a sustainably healthy and active lifestyle without having to go on fad diets or torture myself (pilates, CrossFit, I’m looking at you). To always keep playing, experimenting, and discovering new and fun ways to get moving. To find acceptance and love my body. And finally, to protect it and not go overboard.

Recently I measured my body composition and found out I’m at 24% body fat, which is amazing progress. There’s one facet of that where losing weight and enhancing physical appearances gives me confidence. But more importantly, improving that body composition gives me increased energy, a better mood, stronger muscles, healthy bones, reduced injury risk, improved sleep, better memory, a healthy heart, increased immunity… the list goes on. These are the things that truly matter. I want to build the body that will carry me for many more decades.

Doing hard things

Although I've never thought I could ever be an athlete, I was recently taken aback when my yoga teacher called me one. She said I’m consistent about training, and that I’m determined to meet certain goals. An athlete doesn’t have be defined by hand-eye coordination or organized sports. Because I have performance aspirations, why shouldn’t I consider myself an athlete? I compete with myself everyday. I’m happy to embrace an identity as an athlete, because over time it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Being an athlete requires incredible discipline and mental strength. But honestly, most of it is just getting your booty into the training room everyday. There’s always an excuse not to go — a long workday, not wanting to sweat, I want to sleep in, I simply just don’t feel like it. But when you accept fitness as a way of life, it adds a natural rhythm to your everyday. It’s a guaranteed way to do something hard everyday. Good habits compound, and you realize just how much easier everything else gets. That positive mentality will have ripple effects.

I am constantly in awe of just how much the human body (and mind) is capable of. Feeling strong in my body and what it’s capable of gives me confidence and self-esteem. Pushing myself to do hard things like run a half marathon or complete an obstacle race has empowered me to believe that I could do anything, at the gym and in life.

So… does anyone want to join me on a Spartan race?