25 Things I Learned by 25
Happy quarter-life birthday to me! Even though this level of self-reflection is usually reserved for year-end year in reviews, I thought this milestone birthday was a good opportunity for me to document 25 years of learnings in this crazy adventure called growing up.
Spend more money. This was my biggest regret in college. I have such a penny-pinching mindset I forget that quality and comfort come at a price, and sometimes it’s worth that price.
Love is not easy. Love is an active choice you have to make everyday. Love is thinking about someone other than yourself. It’s giving up on your own idea of perfection, and allowing the other person to be themselves without trying to change them.
Don’t chase fame. Popularity fades, and in our day and age, fame is self-made on social media. Don’t forget that “image” you create is only one perception of you. Likes and follows don’t determine real achievement. If you find yourself comparing yourself to others, get off social media.
You don’t need other people to validate your life. Do whatever the heck you what.
Your health really is 90% what you eat, 10% exercise. Take care of your body. It can do amazing things and take you to amazing places. Your skin is also a reflection of what you eat. In college my journey with acne was a rough one. Expensive cleansers, facewash, toners, and masks didn’t help. But in the past year or so, after eating cleaner, my skin has cleared up.
Don’t spend your youth trying to grow up. You lose that childlike wonder and creativity and the time made for play when you have to worry about adult problems.
A good roommate is hard to come by. Having a good one is also very important for your mental well being. The last thing you want to feel is uncomfortable in your own home.
Less is more. You don’t need to rely on physical objects to help you remember memories. Physical things also weigh you down. (Read the OG Marie Kondo philosophy in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up) If anything, keep your memories in photos (or a blog!) rather than hoarding knick-knacks you attribute meaning to.
Your parents are amazing. They are one of few people in the world who have your back no matter what happens. Let go of whatever teenage grudge you have with them and make peace. One of the greatest life transformations is when your relationship with your parents grows into more of an adult friendship. And always, always cherish family time.
You can’t juggle everything everyday. Pick three (à la Randi Zuckerberg.)
Competition is has a dark side. Growing up I was raised to somehow believe I had to be the best in class to make my family proud and deserve their love. Over time that festered into an unhealthy obsession with wanting to be the best at things; and when I realize I couldn’t, I give up trying completely. I’d constantly compare myself to my peers, feeling the urge to compete instead of partner up or ask for help. To this day I need to keep telling myself that life isn’t a sprint, but a marathon.
Don’t plan shit. Do.
Travel while you’re young. Take a vacation whenever you can. When you’re old you don’t look back and reminisce on the days you spent at the office. You remember those trips you look. And also write about them so you can relive them.
Don’t be afraid of failure. Instead, fail faster. It’s something you absolutely need to experience.
You don’t have to monetize your art. If it’s that special to you, keep it for yourself.
Do the weird stuff you’re into. Give yourself permission to. You don’t need to spend time catching up on all the shows your coworkers are talking about if you’d rather spend your time learning how to yodel or weave baskets.
And along those lines, follow your curiosity. You don’t need to “find a passion.” That comes naturally. Instead, follow what you’re curious about and just try. I hated cooking but I try. I don’t have a fitness background but I still try.
Nobody is going to hold your hand and give you what you want. Ask people and bug the shit out of them to get what you want. For example, always charge more than you think you’re worth as a young artist. Define your worth and ask for it.
Work when you’re in school and learn where money comes from. Appreciate service work, and learn life lessons from waiting tables or working in retail.
Self-love isn’t buying yourself stuff you don’t need. It’s doing the things that are actually good for you - paying bills, doing laundry, taking a class. You love yourself enough to invest in yourself in hopes of becoming the best version of yourself you can be. Don’t let anyone diminish that love.
Surround yourself with people you look up to. For me, those are my family and friends, coworkers, successful #girlboss entrepreneurs, and even YouTubers I follow on the internet. They say you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, and books count! So read those autobiographies and be inspired!
The universe can hear you. Tell people about your hopes and dreams. Send out messages into the universe. It makes them that much more real and holds you accountable for accomplishing them.
Fake it ‘til you make it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t work hard, but when you’re lacking in confidence, just fake it. You’ll make it, trust me.
Learn to question things people say. Not everything you grew up hearing is worth believing. Not every piece of advice given to you is the best choice for you. Older people like to assume they know you better than you do. But I’d hope you know yourself better.
Last but not least, seek joy over of happiness. Joy is lasting. Joy is an internally cultivated state of mind. Happiness is externally triggered and fleeting. When you get older you won’t want to ride that happiness-seeking emotional roller coaster. Be content with your life and find the joy deep within.